Love Defined...?

This is what Merriam-Webster says online:
*1 (1) : strong affection for another arising out of kinship or personal ties (2) : attraction based on sexual desire : affection and tenderness felt by lovers (3) : affection based on admiration, benevolence, or common interests b : an assurance of love
*2 : warm attachment, enthusiasm, or devotion
*3 : the object of attachment, devotion, or admiration b (1) : a beloved person : darling —often used as a term of endearment (2) British —used as an informal term of address
*4 a : unselfish loyal and benevolent concern for the good of another: as (1) : the fatherly concern of God for humankind (2) : brotherly concern for others b : a person's adoration of God
*5 : a god or personification of love
*6 : an amorous episode : love affair
*7 : the sexual embrace : copulation
*8 : a score of zero (as in tennis)

And there you have it; the experts have defined what I've been wondering. I must be confused because I'm not sure I agree with all of those. And why is 'love' listed as a noun? Really? A person, place, thing, or idea? Not sure I agree with that either. I would think it's more of a verb. To run, to jump, to swim, to love. Action. No? Yes?

I think next to 'love' in the dictionary it should say "open for interpretation."

What is love? What is it to me? Is it different to you? Is it different from 50 years ago? Maybe even from 10 years ago?

I certainly don't view love the same as I did when I was in junior high or high school. I wish I did - cause then I may have cherished certain relationships more than others. But then, I probably wouldn't be writing this blog right now. Never know.

But really? How do we measure love? What 'tool?' What 'scale' is it measure on? How people give and receive love is different, so then why aren't we looking for someone that gives or receives the same as we do? Why don't we have those conversations about "How do you feel loved by me?" "When do you feel that I love you the most?" And if we asked those questions and got our answer, why wouldn't we do more of those things?

Is love really a give and take? Is it a "I do for you when you do for me" type of thing? Or is it a "I love you and will show you no matter what you do or say"?

Remember back to the first time you were "in love." How did you feel? Is that what you base your "Am I in love?" question on?

How many times have you said or thought, "I love [this person] more than I loved the last one"? Can you really love 2 different people the same? I have a hard time believing that. People need to be loved, but one may not need as much as the other. What one person loves may not be what the other person loves.

How can we look for that same love we had once when it will never be found in another person?

For me, personally, I think I'm looking for something I had before. I'm making that my measurement. I'm waiting to feel "that" again. And if I don't, then it's not love? It's a hard thing for me to ask myself. I've spent a lot of years, spent a lot of tears, and spent a lot of myself on something that is literally and emotionally impossible to find, to duplicate. It's a tough realization if that's what I determine to be my life's truth.

Maybe when they perfect cloning...then I can find love. Until then, I guess I'll just keep asking the questions.

SONG OF THE DAY: "Love Remains the Same" by Gavin Rossdale
I'm not sure if I believe in what these lyrics are trying to get across, but they raise some good questions in my mind, in my heart, and in my soul. "Everything will change; Love remains the same" I guess if I believe that to be true, then I also believe that love isn't always enough. Because then why do we have divorce and heartache? Maybe he just means that everything is the entire world can change, morph, become non-existent, but love is the only thing that is constant in the world. It's the one thing that everyone will still have no matter what else they lose. I don't know. I certainly don't have all the answers tonight, just all the questions.

Even the best times can be meaningless

After a month of meaningless kisses, hand-holding, and laughter, I said "I don't think I can do this anymore." I fought back the tears and looked him straight in the face, so there was no doubt.

It was a hard choice. A choice between myself and him. I have to believe that I'm worth more than a man who treats me like a princess but tells me it won't go any further than this; than what we have right now. And what we had was completely wonderful. But what's the point in feeling wonderful for a moment, but then having to remind yourself, he "doesn't want anything serious."

And all the while, I keep thinking to myself, "how can it get more serious?" The only way it can is if we define it and talk about it futuristically.

He always said that he enjoyed being with me, laughing, "an escape from his day-to-day government job." Is that all I am? An escape from someone's real life? But he was a part of my real life, which made me feel crazy, insane; to have someone's make-believe life be a part of my real one.

And as I sat there telling him that I'm worth more than that; worth more than someone's fantasy, I don't think he got it. Because to him, it was perfect. No responsibility for anyone else's feelings but his own. No one to apologize to; no one to answer to or feel bad about hurting. Because he made it clear from our very first date. "Nothing serious."

Except his idea of "nothing serious" felt more real to me than any relationship I've had in a long time.

I told him that "I wanted to spend my time and energy on something that means something tomorrow." I don't want to exhaust myself by pretending I don't care. That's stupid. It's irresponsible and selfish.

I guess what really bothers me is how someone can kiss me and I feel something, but they don't. Nothing. At all. Nothing more than a thanks, it's been fun.

And then has the nerve to ask if we'll see each other again, if I need something to call him, and can he call me sometime. Um, NO! Wait...um, HELL NO!

I made it very clear that I'm worth more than what he has to offer. I deserve better than a meaningless relationship. Everyone does. And if I don't truly believe that I do, then I don't deserve it. And neither do you.

SONG OF THE DAY: "Boys Don't Cry" by Plumb
"But you're okay with this damaging awkwardness." What a line. I listened to this song and felt those lyrics. It showed me into his heart. What he's capable of and what he's not. And right now, he's not capable of love and I'm TIRED of being with men, waiting for them to be ready for love. Come see me when you're ready, but until then, I'm not going to sit around waiting. Because of what if they're never ready; they never feel like they can love again.
I just don't want to live my life without love. True love. A kind of love everyone deserves. And I have it to give, just not to every man that comes along. Just the one that truly deserves it and appreciates it.

There's No Going Back

I don't know how I feel about a relationship where you go out, then break up, then go out again, and break up again... That seemed to happen in high school, but does it still happen to us as adults? Should it?

I've heard some people say that "an ex is an ex for a reason." Well, yeah. I get that. But then do we just give up on people being able to change? What kind of message does that send? That everyone has to be perfect? Don't make a mistake because I will dump you for it and not look back. You get one chance, so don't blow it.

How is that fair? How is that even human? No wonder we're creatures surrounded by disappointment. Some of our expectations are ridiculous, not to mention unrealistically demanding. You're not perfect, so why do you expect everyone else to be? Because someone held YOU to that standard and because it made such an impression on you, it must be a sound expectation.

I know why we say love hurts. We put so much into love; the ones we love. So, we get hurt by the expectations that we hold those people to; expectations that they're not even aware of. Then we wonder why they're confused at our disappointment and attitude. They should've known better; they should be know me well enough to read my mind.

I've even heard people say that they'll never go back to an ex; that they forget about them the minute it's over. Now, obviously I think that's a coping mechanism and a complete lie, but interesting enough to think about. I'd be lying if I said that I've never went out with an ex. Heaven knows that's not true! Second chances should've been my middle name for awhile. Those may have been cases where I had too much faith in the person.

I just don't think that we should limit ourselves with those kind of restrictions. If you leave and forget everyone that will ever hurt you or let you down, you'll be very alone in the end. And I believe no matter who you are, even if you say you'll never think of them again, you're lying. It may sound good and make you tough and resilient, but it's a lie and you know it. The more you try to forget, the more you first have to think about that person; telling yourself to forget them, trying to get them out of your head, heart, and hold.

You're not dealing with the issues of the relationship, which means they'll always be there. No resolution. No real ending. Always another chapter to the never-ending story. Get done with one. Resolve the issues. Move on.

Sometimes it's hard if you have to do the process alone and complete the unanswered questions by yourself, but that's not an excuse to keep the case cold. What you see, what you think you see, may not be the truth. But that doesn't matter. You can't control them, what they think or feel. You are only in control of you and your actions.

SONG OF THE DAY: "Not What You See" by Savatage
I believe this song is about misunderstandings and misperceptions. The expectations that others have on us that we don't understand. The bigger picture and living life in the moment. Forget the mystery of life and love, just experience it. Be the detective, not the reader of the novel. And not to judge a book by its cover.