Spring Cleaning before Christmas

I usually feel pretty cluttered around Christmas time. Yet, this year, I'm down-sizing. I'd like to say 'my closet.' But that just isn't a possibility, although has been on my "to do" list for a couple of years. However, my down-sizing project for the end of this year is on boyfriends.

I'm finally taking my sista's advice. As they say, "Out with old, in with the new." In order to start my Spring Cleaning project, I decided that I needed to "block" those certain ex's from my social media accounts. It turned out to be a LONG list and quite difficult. I kept a few of them on the list, only because I never wonder "what if" with them.

If I don't put those "potential re-ex's" behind me for good, I'll never fully be able to move on and be serious with someone new. It's like having too many pots on the stove and not enough "back burners" to go around. In a way, I was allowing them to keep me in relationship bondage, and not the kinky kind. One of them has been an "on-again, off-again ex" for the past 12 years. That one I had to hold my breath in order to delete, but I did it.

The only problem with deleting people from your social media that you're fairly close to is that they probably also have your phone number and will text you wondering why you've deleted them. Oh well. I'd delete their number from my phone, except if they do text, I may not know which one of them it is. I guess all I'd have to say/text is "Leave me alone." Right? Or is that just mean?

I never used to have a problem with telling guys I'm not interested anymore. I think I must've gotten a little bit soft since my high school and college days. I guess I know, now, what it's like to be told that someone isn't interested in you, so I'll let them down easier...fine! Ugh!

Most importantly, I decided that I just need to let go and move on - leave them in the past. There are a lot of obstacles to deal with that new relationships just don't have yet...or maybe never will. Old relationships already have scars and, at least, one strike against you. Some of my ex's must've been cats because they just kept coming back time-after-time, proving that they haven't changed even though they say they have. Not that I was asking them to change, but that's their claim to winning me back.

I guess I'm making a New Year's Resolution early and Spring Cleaning before the snow melts. Maybe it's more because I'm finally ready to settle down and find "the one" - or at least, this one or that one. But I can't truly go after the other fish in the sea if I'm still throwing my line into the fish tank in my living room.

SONG OF THE DAY: "Forever and Almost Always" by Kate Voegele
This song really personifies what I've been going through with all of these old relationships. Going back into it, I say that "although it's not the same, it's awful close." I usually end up saying, "it's awful." The beginning of this song is a woman settling, "just love me when you can." Then she asks herself, after the same thing happens and he proves not to have changed, "what am I still doing here?" She then realizes that "it's not right." She wants more; she finally believes that she deserves more. I feel the same way she does now, at this very moment.