Taking a Chance on a Chance

Don't you just love songs that you adore but don't know the meaning of? I read the lyrics of some songs a hundred times and try to decipher the true message or story.

I do that with relationships too. But more so with the words that are said. I use it as justification to either stay or cut and run. Most of the time, I cut and run.

I used to think it was easier that way. To just let go and find someone else. Why would I put up with the stupid things they do or say? Why would I put myself through that?

I was sitting listening to an argument the other day by a married couple. He did some really stupid things - like men do. And I thought to myself...why is she putting up with that? I'd be out of there is a second.

And that's when I was hit over the head with a hammer. Because they're married. They're committed to each other, to making it work. I put up with a lot of stupid things in my past relationships (ones that lasted more than 3 months). And why? Because I wanted it to work. Because I didn't really think they said or did those things to hurt me. And they were truly sorry.

I know that everyone makes mistakes, has faults, and does stupid stuff. I even do. And I would want someone to forgive me if I did them. I wouldn't want them to give up on me, on us.

So, why in the dating world am I so quick to judge? So quick to let go. Maybe because I'm scared of getting hurt again. Maybe because I see those faults and mistakes as signs of repeat bad behavior of ex's.

After a relationship ends, you always say you'll be smarter this time around. You'll never date anyone like that again. But you do. And you kick yourself for not seeing it sooner, again.

So, I'm caught in this crossroad of forgiving and forgetting (and possibly getting hurt and regretting my decision to take a chance on him) or getting out while the gettin's good (and still possibly regretting not giving him a second chance).

I'm hoping that maybe in the past I've cut and run for good reasons. That the signs I thought I saw were true and warnings of things to come. It's not that I don't believe in good guys; it's just hard to think they're innocent until proven guilty.

SONG OF THE DAY: "Take Me or Leave Me" from the musical "Rent"
If you want to be with someone and love them for who they are, then don't claim you don't like something about them or you wish they'd be more of [this] or [that]. You want certain things from a relationship, then FIND them. Don't try to create them in someone else. That's not fair to you or them. And in order to do that, be true to yourself and what you truly want.