The Game: To Play or Not to Play. That is the Question.

The game is something I know a little about. I probably would've been voted MVP between the months of September and December of 2009. I made dating a sport, literally. It even had a baseball theme with me "playing the field." I can't help but smirk just thinking about it.

I chose to begin with a book titled "Marriable" by Hayley DiMarco and Michael DiMarco. They are a married couple who wrote this book together after meeting online. Now, I'm not a huge fan of online dating for serious intentional purposes, but they start out with some good points.

It's refreshing that they don't try to dispell the notion of dating and it being a game. They actually take that as a leaping-off point for a discussion about how, if dating is a game, the prize is marriage. Now, dating isn't always a segway for EVERYONE to marriage - right away. That's fine. I believe some people, mostly men, need to sow their wild oats, figure out what they want, what they don't want, and tread water until they find it.

However, the lesson here is that if you're going to play the game, make sure you're playing the same game - or you'll get hurt. I've made that mistake many times. And just because the other person is older doesn't mean they're ready to settle down. Don't lie to yourself that they are either.

I think we should have umpires in dating. One call that they would make more than any other is the "Lies" call. And I would hope they would yell it out like Fraulein whatever her name was from the Austin Powers movies.

Women - more than men - lie in relationships. Mostly to themselves though, which is another point from the book. I truly believe this to be gospel.

Women marry men hoping they will change.
Men marry women hoping they will not.
So each is inevitably disappointed.
Albert Einstein, genius

We lie to ourselves about what we want, what we're willing to put up with, and why we haven't left yet. Some of us may give men ultimatums while we also give ourselves "to do by" dates. "If he doesn't give me this by this date, I'm gone." OR "If he does that one more time, I'm done." Why do we do those things? Why do we say those things? And I'm not talking about things like leaving chewing gum on the caps of Coke bottles laying around the house or not wiping off the bathroom counter after brushing his teeth. I'm talking about things that really hurt if we don't see them being followed through.

Other lies women tell themselves from the book are: "Things are getting better," "It's really my fault he gets mad," or "I can't bear to be alone, so I have to put up with him." I've said these things before, plenty of times. Why? Why? Why?

What is it our friends know that we don't? They look out for our happiness, our well-being, and commentate on the situation as it's played out. We don't usually see it until the re-play or the tape needs reviewing.

So, I guess our friends (and family sometimes) are our umpires. Now they may not yell "Lies!" at us. But take what they say to heart, because chances are, they're just looking out for yours. And if you're not going to do it, then they become your legally appointed guardian.

One of my favorite books says [love] "rejoices in the truth." It says a lot of other great things about love as well, and I'm sure that chapter will be quoted again sometime in this blog, but (from the same book) it also says "the truth will set you free."

If it feels wrong, if you're lying to yourself or others, or if you're ashamed of it, it's probably time to find freedom in the truth. And I know it's hard sometimes to imagine yourself without someone else, especially if you've invested time and tears, but if you don't think you're worth it, they probably don't think you are either. Remember those friends I talked about earlier, they'll help you through it. Because, chances are, they do love you like you deserve. And they shouldn't be your friend if they don't.

SONG OF THE DAY: "Freedom" by Wham!
Now, I know this isn't a conventional love song, but it fits the theme about love and what we tell ourselves to stay in it. It's a great song, and I'm sure it'll make you smile if you watch the video. His friends tried to tell him he was being made a fool of; listen to yours.