Lie, Steal, and...

That's right. I'm going to talk about cheating. And trust me when I say that I've been there, done that.

In "Marriable," one of the lies women tell themselves, is that it is the other girl's fault. It's so easy to blame someone we don't have a connection with over someone who has betrayed us.

I haven't really counted, but almost all of my boyfriends have cheated on me. It happened so frequently that I knew when it was going to happen before it actually did. I pleaded with a guy once not to go out with a group of friends because this certain woman (girl at the time - see, I still blame her) was going to be there and I knew something was going to happen. He assured me nothing would happen, but alas, it did. He told me the next day and as devastated as I was, I hoped I'd never have that feeling again. But I did.

I also told myself "once a cheater, always a cheater." But I know that's not true because, since I should be honest, I've cheated too. Quite a few years ago, when I was young and naive, I thought the grass was greener on the other side. It may have been greener, but it's still landscape and needs to be tended. I am not proud by any means, but I was insecure back then. One time I was just looking for a way out and too scared to get out.

Trust me when I say that no matter what side of the cheating you're on, you'll still be hurt. Some sides will get hurt more than others, but admitting you have cheated or having to hear the one you love say they've cheated still breeds hurt. Both will need comfort and compassion shown to them.

It's the ones who continuously cheat that bother me. The ones who want their cake and the ability to eat it too. The ones who cheat and blame their significant other or spouse for their infidelity. Why is it so hard to tell the truth? It's not that you really care that much about them because if that was the case, you wouldn't be doing something to hurt them in first place.

If this is you and you're reading this, take a good long look in the mirror. Ask yourself why. Why are you cheating? Why are you not being faithful? Is it regret, loneliness, freedom? What? There's a reason.

And if you're with someone who is cheating, you need to ask yourself why as well. Are you too insecure to leave? Do you feel there is too much at stake? Kids? Religion? What?

From the smallest of lies to the largest deception, they all bring a sense of mistrust. I'm a brutually honest person. I don't sugar-coat a lot of things. Some call it...things I can't repeat, but I made a mistake one time by saying something in anger and not getting a chance to take it back. So, I try very hard not to lie, especially in anger. I fail at this sometimes; it's hard. We're all human and we all make mistakes. Forgiveness is a cure for the guilty - when they choose to ask for it. And remember that you can forgive someone, but that doesn't mean you have to stay with them either. And for those of you who are dealing with someone cheating on you, don't blame yourself and don't just blame the other woman/man. It takes two to cheat - your significant other or spouse had a choice. And you are not what they chose at that moment. The question you need to ask yourself is if that's something you're willing to work through.

I'm sure that people have a lot of different reasons and justifications for cheating, but it's more about loss and gain with me. You have a choice in any situation when cheating can be involved. It's your choice. If you're prone to cheat, maybe don't put yourself in those potential situations. Figure out your loss and gain if you do. Take a minute and think about it.

I wonder if most decisions to cheat are impulsive or calculated. It seems like everyone blames the booze too. If you really need an excuse of why you cheated, just say it like it is...you're selfish, stupid, insecure, scared, want out, need affection, whatever it is. Try being honest about what you're feeling before you feel the need to cheat. It may save you or someone else more heartache later.

SONG OF THE DAY: "Stay" by Sugarland
I know that I haven't always picked "being in love" songs, but love isn't just about feeling awesome all of the time. Anything and everything in this world is more cherished when it's something that we had to work for or have lived without. If you've ever listened to that song, it starts out with the woman wanting the man to "stay" with her instead of going home to his wife or girlfriend - but by the end of the song, she tells him to "stay" with the other woman; that she's done.
Another good song would be the one by Reba McEntire and Linda Davis "Does He Love You?" It's about a wife and a girlfriend sharing the same man and asking if he loves [me] like he loves [you] and vice versa. The wife gets his nights and the girlfriend gets his days - and of course, they want what the other one has. But if you've ever watched the music video, you'll see the more extreme outcome of what happens to a cheater.